Chuck and Blair forevvss

I’m like two completely different people.
Around my friends and at school I feel loud and constantly happy and constantly being looked at so I am in my I dont give a fuck what people think mode.
When I’m by myself or I’m at home or just alone I feel sad and empty.
It’s fucking wierd but I hate it,
and lately it’s like the sadness and emptiness are slowly creeping into the person I am around people.
I’m writing this because. I don’t even know why.
It just comes over me in waves.
I’m a beach with waves of sad feelings and the tide just keeps getting higher and higher.
What is wrong with me.

I keep having this dream where I’m the artist I envisioned myself to be and it’s my art showcase and I turn around to walk into the gallery and all the canvas’ I worked so hard on are blank.
Life’s that way sometimes.